You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
