I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
