I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
