Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
