um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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