end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Please don't give away my fajitas
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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