If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
