Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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