I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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