Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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