Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
