did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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