Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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