I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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