just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Houston, we have a blender
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
