forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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