We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
