You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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