Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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