Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
