is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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