sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
