Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
