It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Randomize
