he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
