I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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