I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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