Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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