At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Im part way to drunk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
