You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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