Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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