my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
