he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
