he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
