I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
