He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
