Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
