This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
