Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
