This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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