Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
