how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
