I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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