Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
