i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
