after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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