and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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