Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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