Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
