I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
