what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
