i just wanna soil my oats bro
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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