I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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